Week 33

29th March 2010

To Baby Robb

Today you are 33 weeks old and we don’t need to wait too much longer to meet you now! The past 7 months have been extremely hard for both you and me and also for your daddy. We have spent every day being sick, sometimes only twice and sometimes more than thirty times. I have starved you of food and water for days at a time but you battled through. The doctors say that your heart rate increases everytime I am being sick so it must be putting some stress on you too. They also said that your sleepy a lot of the time which may be caused by the drugs I have to take to keep both you and me alive.

Some days I wish you would just appear now so that I can have a day without being sick. It is a selfish way of thinking and I am glad you have decided to stay in this long. I don’t think that I would have the strength to care for you just now as I struggle to care for myself. We are lucky that we have your daddy to care for you when you do appear so that I can build my strength back up.

I hope that your not suffering too much in there and maybe one day you will need this blog to help you through the same. Unfortunately, it runs in families! You’ve had your steroid injections so you should have a strong set of lungs on you but stay in there for another 6 weeks or so. We’re nearly there and I promise the first thing I will do when is feed you.

Love from your mummy xxxxxxxxxx

Week 32

22nd March 2010 - 25th March 2010

Back to hospital......

MONDAY - I spent the whole of Monday rejecting EVERYTHING that went in my mouth. It didn't even reach my stomach before it was coming back up. When Steve got home at night time he watched as I was sick over and over and over..... I knew what he was thinking but I REALLY did not want to go back there again. I tried so hard to keep something down but I couldn't. I checked the ketones in my urine at 6pm and they were only "+1" so I relaxed a bit and kept trying to get fluids in me. By 9pm my ketones were "+4", the highest they could be. I couldn't believe how quickely I had deteriorated. I was so upset and was begging Steve to let me stay at home for one more night. He backed off a bit and let me go to bed. I couldn't settle and just kept being sick. Just before midnight Steve decided he'd had enough and phoned NHS 24, who sent me back to hospital. I knew this was coming but it didn't make it any easier. I got in to ward 37A and was put in a side room. I didn't get any rest over night as the doctors were in and out the whole night. I was checked over, had blood tests taken, given IV fluids and put on the CTG machine for the baby. I don't have good veins at the best of times but I didn't realise how bad they were. I ended up with 14 cannulas!!!

TUESDAY - The consultant came in to see me on the ward round this morning with some news I wasn't expecting. She told me that my baby wasn't doing great, was sleepy with a rapid heart rate. She explained that I had to get steriod injections to help develop the babies lungs as she may have had to deliver her by C-Section. I had to go for an ultrasound scan to check the babies blood flow. The doctor was quite happy with my scan which was a relief but I still wasn't in the clear. The midwives put the CTG machine on me every couple of hours for an hour or so which left me stuck in bed because you can't move around with it on. I continued to get IV fluids and got cannulas resited every few hours. I didn't manage to keep any fluids down throughout today and didn't manage to eat anything. By night time I had a really high temperature.....it was never ending. They took blood tests from me which showed I had an infection. They checked me over and told me I had a lower respiratory infection so I was put on antibiotics. As well as all this, I was told that I would need to get scans to check what damage being sick for so long has done to other parts of my body. The doctor said that if I continue to bring up blood he would arrange a scan of my gallbladder and spleen and refer me to gastroenterologists. I was exhausted by this time and just wanted to sleep because I had been up all night the night before and all day today.

WEDNESDAY - I woke up at 7am feeling a bit better. My chest was sore but I wasn't being sick. It was a relief. I managed a couple of spoonfulls of breakfast and the same at lunch and kept both down. Its not much but its better than the last few days. I still had maximum amount of ketones in my urine though so another day in hospital I guess!! Nothing new happened today, I kept on IV fluids, antiemetics, the CTG machine and antibiotics. Baby was still sleepy and they were still keeping an eye on her but the possiblilty of having a section seemed to be getting lower. Thank god!!

THURSDAY - My urine this morning was clear of ketones.....yey!!! The consultant on the ward round asked if I'd like to go home....of course I would!!! So he said that we'd do ANOTHER blood test and if my infection levels had come down, I managed to eat my lunch and baby had picked up then he'd let me go home. I prayed and prayed!! The results came back and they were lower. The CTG machine was hooked up and baby was much happier. All that was left to do was eat lunch. I had a sandwich and kept it down.

So 14 cannula's, 12 bags of fluid, 2 steriod injections, an ultrasound scan, lots of antemetics, antibiotics and a happy baby later, a happy mummy got to go home!!!

Week 31

15th March 2010.....

I am still being very sick this week, mostly overnight. I have a chesty cough too which isn't helping and is possibly making me more sick. Day times arn't too bad, I am trying to get on with things as normal although it is exhausting. On Saturday Steve took me to 63 Tay Street for a meal. A 5 course meal at that!!!! Apart from a couple of spoon fulls of desert I managed it all. As well as managing it, I actually enjoyed it. The 5 course meal appeared again a couple of hours later, not looking so nice, but it was worth it. Sunday was quite bad for sickness and I don't feel like I have control over it anymore.

I felt myself slipping down in to that bad place again but I thought I could pick myself back up......I thought wrong.......

Week 30

8th March 2010.....

I feel like this is never going to end and some days I just accept that this is the way my life now is. Its a hard, depressing and lonely life but its still a million times better than 4 months ago. Most days are just wasted, I am tired after hoovering a room or putting a load in the washing machine. It makes me feel pathetic and I tell myself to just get on with it. How will I ever be able to look after a baby? I know the sickness will have left me by then but it'll take time to get any strength back. I feel like I will be a useless mum who won't have the strength to care for their baby. Fortunately, I am in the position where Steve can take that bit longer off to help me for the first few weeks. I am meant to be looking forward to our babies arrival...........

I was just exhausted this week. I was so tired which meant I was sick a lot. For some reason the sickness is much worse overnight which is horrible. I am woken up several times a night to be sick but its still continuing during the day. I also have a chesty cough which isn't helping but I can't seem to get it cleared. I am still bringing up a lot of blood, mostly overnight. Its increasing in the amount and I know I should probably go back and see the doctor again. I worry that maybe its an ulcer or something more than just from wretching. Lets hope not.

On the positive side, I am not anaemic!!!

Week 30

8th March 2010.....

Well our baby is now 30 weeks old, hopefully no more than 10 weeks till we meet her!!

At 30 weeks....

-her lungs and digestive tract are nearly fully developed

- her length will start to slow down now and (hopefully) she'll just be gaining weight

- her eyes are opening and shutting. She is also reacting to light and can see the inside of my uterus

- she has eye brows, eye lashes and the hair on her head is getting thicker

- in just 4 weeks time she'll start to position herself for birth by moving her head down to my pelvis

I thinks its amazing and although, honestly, I can't say at the moment what I have been through and I am going through will be worth the end result, I am sure when we meet her I will change my mind....

Week 29

1st March 2010......

The sickness continues to get worse, I found myself up most nights being sick. I was also sick every single morning, several times and again several times before bed. Most days it continued throughout the day too. Night time sickness brought a lot of fresh blood with it, which I hope stops soon.

On Wednesday, I had a midwife appointment and a hospital appointment. It was rubbish! Everything at my actual appointment was ok. I had a different midwife this weeks, she was a lot nicer! However, my blood pressure was still low and baby is still small. Also, my uterus is measuring a couple of cm smaller than it should be. But she said the baby is fine, heart rate perfect, my urine was clear of ketones or protein so she was quite happy.

It was my 28 week appointment so I was to get bloods taken. The midwife tried to get blood from both arms and failed, she then asked someone else to try, who failed. She sent me to the hospital to a phlebotomist. She tried once on my arm again, and failed. She then tried to get blood from my right hand and failed but.....on the last attempt at my left hand WE GOT BLOOD!! Thank god!!

The midwife thinks I'm anaemic (on top of everything else), so she discussed medication for that. I am not able to take ferrous sulphate, which is what they treat anaemia with, because it causes sickness. She discussed other options like injections or liquids. We'll just need to wait for the results and pray they are ok!! If I am anaemic then I will need regular blood tests which is easier said than done on me!

After all thats excitment I still had my hospital appointment to go to. It was just for the anti-D injection because I have rhesus negative blood. Big jab in my bum (ouch!!) and hopefully that is it!

The rest of the week was taken up with cleaning the house for a baby shower Emma has organised. I'm looking forward to it but also dreading it. You can never tell if the next day will be a good or bad day for sickness. Luckily, it was a good day (although I can't say the same for over night) and I got to enjoy it. We had lots of people around and got lots of lovely gifts!

Week 28

22nd Feb 2010......

This week started bad and unfortunetly didn't end any better.....

I was up overnight on Monday being sick. Its the first time in weeks the sickness has woken me up and I have had to get up during the night. I spent most of Tuesday also being sick. I again struggled to keep any food or drink down and felt completely worn out.

On Wedneday, mum took me to Inverness to stay with her for a couple of days. I was up and down during my stay there and couldn't manage more than a couple of hours out the house. I felt tired, sick and dizzy. I was sick quite a few times and the stemitil I was taking wasn't helping at all. It snowed all day Wednsday, Thursday and Friday, the trains were cancelled and the A9 was closed. I enjoyed my stay with mum but when you feel so unwell you just want your own sofa, tele and bed. So, dad who was also stuck in Inverness decided to chance the drive home.......via Aberdeen. It was scary in places and we got a puncture but 5 hours later I was home.

However, the week didn't get any better, I was sick more than I have been in a few weeks and every day brought more and more sickness. Every morning I was bringing up fresh blood and had a really chesty cough which made breathing difficult. I felt quite down that its getting bad again and I was up again overnight on Saturday and Sunday being sick. But thinking positively, it can only last another 12 weeks.......I'll battle on.......

Week 27

15th Feb 2010....

This week starts in Paris! Got another day left here before the 12 hour journey back. We went to the Eifell tower and on a sightseeing boat on Monday. It was really good. I did a lot of walking, more than I have done in months but I managed. We went out for a nice meal at night time and went to bed for the last time in Paris.

The next morning was my worst nightmare. We had to get the metro at rush hour. One huge thing, as I have mentioned before, about hyperemesis is the need for space. People hugging me or being pressed up against me or just surrounding me is awful. It makes me feel so sick, hot and dizzy. Luckily, it was only for about fifteen minutes (although it felt so much longer!!) and I managed to keep my breakfast to myself! Anyway, we found the eurostar, after a couple of squables, and were on our way home. It passed way too quick but I was still glad to be getting back home.

I spent the rest of the week relaxing and sorting out the house. I was only sick every morning and night and occasionally during the day. Its still hard and not normal but its managable.

Week 26

8th Febuary 2010....

I have been looking forward to this week since Christmas Day.... Its the week I am going to Paris. I am really excited but at the same time wondering how I am going to managing the 12 hour journey there and back.

The beginning of the week was ok, I was still managing to eat and drink quite well. I phoned the doctor on Tuesday as my line for work was nearly up. He signed me off again for another 4 weeks and has told me he doesn't think I will have the strength to go back even if the hyperemesis does go away. It was disappointing to hear but I supppose expected.

Thursday came and I started to feel really unwell again. I was being sick quite a few times a day. I thought it must just be the worry of going away at the weekend and I pray it gets better.

We left the house about 8am on Saturday to go to the train station to start the first part of our journey. I was sick before we left the house but I wasn't sick again until we reached our hotel in Paris! What a releif!! On Sunday (valentines day), we explored some of Paris, I was really tired but I managed surprisingly well. We went out for a nice Thai/Chinese meal at night time. I was sick again when we got back to the hotel but it was nothing compared to normal!